Reframing regression
Why moving backwards in life isn't as bad as you might think. And why it might actually be good.
I’ve recently found myself slipping back into many bad habits out of escapism because of some difficult things that have recently happened in my life. Doom scrolling for hours at a time. Negative thoughts, lack of communication with anyone and some other naughty escapism techniques to keep my mind off of where I am in life. Much of this has caused me to go into this downward spiral of guilt and shame.
I feel as though I should always maintain upward momentum in terms of my personal development. I’m sure you may feel the same way, that you can never go backwards and every day you have to be better than you were, and any regression in your life is a sign of ultimate failure. But, quite frankly, shit happens, and maintaining that belief can often lead to self-destruction because the moment something goes wrong you enter panic mode, desperately grasping to try to hold it together, which inevitably causes other things to slip until you end up in a position far worse than you’ve been in a while. And once everything has briefly fallen apart you feel so bloody worthless that it’s not even worth trying to fix it so you just give in to your base human desire for comfort, and succumb to instant gratification to distract yourself from how horrid you feel. And after a while, the thought of becoming who you were not too long ago now seems impossible and it feels like it’s all over…
Well, fantastic news it’s not over. In fact, this is a really great place. I came to this realisation moments ago when I found my mind straying while doing calf raises in the middle of the gym after spending some months in some deep foggy mental pit.
You see having your shit together is honestly quite boring. It’s great to be the person you wanted to be for a while. But if you’re actually doing well every day is just the same thing, you do everything you’re supposed to but you can’t develop too much more than you already have, because the top of the mountain is just the top of the mountain, and there’s nowhere left to climb. but you’re not fighting any battles you’re just keeping the things which previously held you down at bay.
What’s a lot of fun Is dragging yourself out of the trenches, getting your shit together and actively fighting against your “demons” (stupid cringe term but it fits here). There’s something so deeply satisfying about watching yourself improve, fixing your bad habits, resisting temptation and turning your life around to be a better person than you were the day before. Which just doesn’t happen when you’ve already got past all of that.
And isn’t that exciting, because you get to feel that way all over again! You get to fix the way you talk to yourself. Pick up good habits, learn and apply new things to your life and you get to see how your overall disposition changes.
It’s pointless to feel shameful about where you’ve ended up. Instead, get excited because of where you get to go.
Every day that you don’t drink, watch p*rn, or give in to whatever your vice is is a win, and you can stack those on top of each other until you feel fucking unstoppable.
Catch those nasty little thoughts that tell you you’re useless, acknowledge them and laugh knowing they’re not valid, and if they are, know that they were a representation of a past you that is no longer around.
Actively start speaking to yourself more kindly, celebrate your wins internally and externally, and don’t diminish them with some snarky remark about how it was actually easy. And start to feel good.
Every character who you look at and admire in your favourite stories had to go through some difficulties to get to where they ended up. And it would have been an incredibly boring story had they not. And now, you just happen to be in that difficult part of your journey, and if you work your way through and overcome think about what one hell of a story that’s going to be.
It’s an exciting journey we get to be on, with all its highs and lows which would mean nothing without each other. enjoy the struggle, savour the battle, don’t lose hope and just keep going, and I'll try to do the same.
Godspeed.
Stay strong during this time :) Keeping you in my thoughts.
"I’m sure you may feel the same way, that you can never go backwards and every day you have to be better than you were, and any regression in your life is a sign of ultimate failure."
I hope this adds some perspective - I've tried to move away from "just keep pushing bro you're a freaking soldier and you can't let people down" mindsets and content. I've been playing this game of life for a while now, more than half of it I've been fighting depression.
Sometimes you just can't go forward mentally. It SUCKS but it is true. We see our heroes on socials and we think "Yeah I want to crush it like Jocko or David and never fail".
What we don't take into account is circumstances. And they differ for everyone. Because they do we can't expect to have the same mental fortitude. And it's great if a guy on YT tells me "don't quit" - but is he facing my struggles? Is he in touch with my reality?
I've tried to move away from the mentality of never quitting and taking it one day at a time. Sure, I'll have my bad days, or weeks. And I won't stop moving forward but sometimes you can't do it. Your mind just gets tired and crowded and overload with whatever is hounding you. The black dog. The monkey on your back.
Sitting down during the race and taking a breather helps you. It gives you perspective. It helps you to reset. You always come back stronger.
Hope this helps :)